Dying for me

It's early..I haven't slept and i cannot go to church until the p.m...[[what's wrong w/ this picture]]...idk why but, apparently in the middle of the night i heard sirens, and then i started having a dream..my cat sleeping next to me woke me up and i had a mini flip out session lol ...<> lol In other news..my tattoos have been very itchy..more lotion, or less cats >_< I haven't decided what the answer is yet..im hoping it's the first one though..ANYWAYZ...what a bum update, but that's really all thats worth talking about lately..im going to play casting crowns and sleep some...
WISH ME LUCK
<3

i lift my hands

im so ghetto..let's just admit it..ok i didn't really have a reason for writing this..i just wanted to put a picture on cuz im mad bored...pretty much the most amount of bored i've ever been in my whole entire life...::Sigh:: i was going 2 shopping but alas my mother let me down as did my father.but..heck why wouldn't i be used to that? *shrugs* ANYWAYZ..school soon..:::Blahz::::
<3

Hell

I am so frustrated right now...I've been trying to be strong for so many people, trying to help them with their problems whenever it comes and it's really slamming me down to nothing...I am trying and trying..and I know the Lord is my strength but i am ....mentally slashing my wrists..i honestly dont know what to do anymore..i've been strong..in Christ ive been strong..but im starting to lose it..im starting to not want to go back to wolbi, im starting to realize how messed up this world is..and how people use you over and over and over again ...that you know what the world really is going to hell..and ..im starting to wonder if there is anything i can do about it...

Got a debt to pay

WOW! Merry Christmas,Happy birthday Jesus ^_^ How exciting!! Christmas is always a pretty..chill holiday for the Thompson's. we sit around at home just enjoying things going on...last year I went back to sleep. lol. It's sad though sometimes because...what i would love to do is just talk about God with my family, show them what he means to me but it's like to me sometimes that they don't care! :( o wellz, anyway...
Our God is so good and I am very excited! At least I can show him my praise ^_^ I get to see my sister today and i am very excited. I plan to make a video later about the year of 2009....im a little bit excited..but nervous at the same time lol..we'll c how that turns out ^_^ <3I think im going to go out w/ the family now see whats going on ..
God bless all <3

Famous one

Ok..so first b4 i type...here is my feelings
"She said I don't know if I've ever been good enough
I'm a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
And I don't know if I've ever been really loved
By hand that's touched me, well I feel like something's gonna give
And I'm a little bit angry, well " a lot has been going on..in the last couple days OY! I know God is good, I know he has all of this under control and yet sometimes i just sit here and worry..wondering what he's going to do with all of this..but the best thing is it doesn't matter..because HE'S IN CONTROL! not quite sure why..i can give such good info to people..but not myself blehz..oh well It's officially Christmas eve and I am thankful for the friends the family and of Course my God.. Happy Christmas eve my darlings <3 I love you...

Indeed

God is so good..*sigh* ^_^ And the most amazing part is..he blesses us no matter what. you know like...WE ARE SUCH IDIOTS sometimes ((Ok most of the time))and yet he still decides to bless us...It...is so odd..but I am so thankful. Today was a wonderful day, as was yesterday...oh my word ((I love the bennett's and tonya)) OY! we had such a good day! we watched the Dark Knight and Hellboy 2...rock on son! chaa..we had pizza,wings,bagle bites..pizza bites and Brownies...AMAZINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG......
The bridge isn't going to explode until Monday which is sad, because we were going to watch it tomorrow..but alas..that's the way it goes. I am heading home tomorrow in the a.m. so that we can be ready to go to my grandmothers house to celebrate Christmas eve...(see fake excitement) I am enjoying break..so much and having a hard time remembering why i wanted to go back to wolbi. but a good friend who was having issues wanting to go back..showed me as well w/ what God was showing me to say..showed me that thats why i needed to go back to..ive learned so much,i've grown so much..lets finish that off w/ some good old fashin GOD TIME @ wolbi ;) Our God is such a good God..and i am PUMPED..to be a part of his work this snow camp...<3 <3 Thank you Lord for the blessings you extend to us...

That is the way it is...

ok, so back to life...since i couldn't write about it yesterday since i was so pissed off..*Sigh* BUT ANYWAY :::
I came to the Bennett's last night. but not b4 awesomely hanging w/ Mat,Tonya, and Dan :) I had so much fun...just like the old days i couldn't even believe it! We even listened to "believe in a thing called love" from The darkness..^_^It was one of the best days i've had in a long time =D!!I am having a bit of a hard time w/ some decisions i've had to make..I hate hurting people, but it seems that's all i'm good at as of late...but at least where I am it'll be ok and...that's all that matters currently.
I want to help people, I want to be there for people..but if they aren't willing to do what God wants them to do then it doesn't matter...nothing will change! All I know is My God loves me..and he loves you and that we need to live for him..and that he is my strength, and w/e is going on he is stronger then my yesterdays and he holds me close today...and man he has my future.. :) I'm also confused on some advice I got, and the fact that...i'm just not sure if it was good advice.. *Sigh* IM CONFUSED AND LOST <3

RANT

Legit..
COME ON (just a warning this is going to be a rant)im so frustrated right now.. WHY do you even say you want to live for God and do SUCH STUPID THINGS??!?!? WHEN YOU KNOW PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU!!! EVEN AFTER UVE HURT ME ..I WANT TO HELP ITS DONE ITS OVER W/ PLEASE JUST TALK TO ME ABOUT IT.....STOP ACTING LIKE LIFE NEEDS TO STOP..GOD LOVES YOU AND THATS THE WAY YOU KNOW IT IS..I DONT THINK IVE EVER BEEN MORE FRUSTRATED THEN UPSET BEFORE...
I DEAL WITH CRAPPY STUFF TO..I HATE HURTING PEOPLE, AND WHEN IT HAPPENS YEAH IT PISSES ME OFF..BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I LOOK BACK TO MY LORD AND REALIZE IF IM FOLLOWING HIM THATS ALL THAT MATTERS
PLEASE...IF YOU READ THIS TALK TO ME..BECAUSE JEF YOU NEED TO STOP BEING IN THIS CRAP SIN YOUR DOING AND COME BACK..:(

Love Love Love

*smirks* It's so funny to me...how God works..I'm confused i'm not going to lie..but awkwardly enough I feel so much peace about it..^_^ It excited me so...to see what God has been doing away...I am just so excited..THANK YOU SO MUCH LORD for blessing me....
sometimes I feel..well I know that I dont deserve it Lord..and ugh..Lord you know my heart about everything that's going on..and I am so thankful for that knowledge..Thank you for being a God that understands..and a God that knows me more then i've ever wanted to be known...*dances in circles* I dont even know what else to say....*Sigh* lol I am....so thankful..just i cant even think of the words i have to say..oh man i know im rambling but..im so happy..and
I just wanted to say..i dont know who reads this but if you dont know the Lord....you need to! Eternity is nothing to joke around about...and if your a Christian and your not "living for the Lord" YOU NEED TO because guys..what is this world about if...not living for the Lord who saves us from the pits of hell!!God...thank you for sending your son to die for us..Lord its so amazing to see that....Your love is never ending...

You're greater then my yesterdays...

So im learning first off that I need to be a much more patient person. lol..I'm waiting for a few packages and guess what they aren't here yet and it's flustering my life.. which shouldn't be happening lol but guess what..it is and that needs to change! Ok I would love to ask you guys to pray for a good friend of mine Luke. His dad got into a pretty bad car accident and the family is pretty shaken up. The father is stable,and Lord willing will make it...but they are very shaken and really just need God's peace currently..id really appreciate if you could just pray for them about that :)...thnx all...
In other news like 2 weeks until i go back to wolbi and I cannot even tell you how excited I am to rekindle the relationships w/ my friends..and just everyone there.im a little bit nervous about going there for some reasons but it'll be ok..The Lord is my strength and he is the only one I need to make me strong :) AHHH I love the Lord so much..
I pray all of you have an amazing Christmas season...

Thank you

Let me just tell you how excited I am to be getting my stuff!?! I'm pumped. I have some rasta stuff going (which im very excited about!! and then I have a present from a friend coming! It's very exciting!! So im watching lil creepers and its pretty much the best little show ever...haha its very fun. they are playing pink the tail on the ogre...I've never seen something this funny in a while..im not going to lie..anyways..I just wanted to tell whats going on and enjoy things happening <3
God is so good and im so glad that hes been showing me what it means to be a true woman of God..
Thank you Lord

Praise the Lord!

So, pretty much today was a dud...lol! I was in pain all day, and there wasn't much to do. Exciting enough my brother and I spent a good amount of time just watching a movie and a half today =D it was really good just to spend time with him....Hmm It was an emotionally hard day, awkward as all get out! I am so thankful for my friend Bekah. We are getting really close and it's so amazing just to be able to talk, and get lifted up closer to God from one christian to another! Truth be told it was awkward today for some other reasons lol ...and im just not sure what im going to do w/ myself..I've been listening to Lecrae and, just other worship..and man how great it is that I can worship my God 24/7.
Talked to a lot of old friends today...good and awkward at the same time. talked about God a lot, and just the Christian religion,and how things were going with that. :)17/16 days till we go back to wolbi and OH LORD I am so nervous..I can't even tell you how nervous I am just about some stupid things but OH how thankful I am that snow camp is coming Lord and the knowledge you will use me no matter what is the most exciting thing ever...
OH LORD I LOVE YOU =D

TODAY

^_^ pretty much today was a LOT a lot of fun! I went shopping with mi madre e padre...it was a lot of fun trying on random clothes, and just do random things... LOL we took lots of random pix like::Anyway lets just say it was a good time for my madre and i!!!..Besides that though not a lot went on today! I was excited to get my friend Mike his christmas present, and ready to send it out tomorrow! so yeah!! OoooooO i also ordered some stuff off of Gospelreggae.com so yeah! I am very excited to see when its going to come and figure out lahhhhh dee dah im so excited :)
I <3 GOD SO MUCH

choices

Choices, there are so many to make in our lives...the way that we live, the way that we chose to act the...talk we talk and the walk we walk...It's a hard line to walk, and in the end the choice has to be yours....It's so exciting to me that the Lord is on our side no matter what Goes on. As long as the strength in your walk continues. it's so amazing to see...*nods* God is just so good...When you have to make hard choices for God..it's hard....it is exactly hard..but man oh man...^_^...I am just so thankful for everything that the Lord is doing for me...I am just...I dont even know what to do..:) other then praise him for the God he is :)
<3

Quit playing games with my heart

Guarding your heart...what an important thing that I so obviously over look so much of the time. I wont lie. I am so thankful for the friends that I have that dont give up on me..even when I do stupid things, and let things get to me more then they should.
Thank you guys seriously..you've been amazing friends and I am thankful for it!
How joyful it is being able to praise the Lord, knowing that when we do things the Lord has us to do..that we will in the end be blessed because he is faithful..I am so thankful to my God and king for being in control..Lord knows i could never do anything right without him..(Still have a hard time sometimes with him) LOL
<3

and the truth is

I can't even express the...emotions inside right now..it's almost like..idiotic..frustration plus Joy..because even though it may be wrong i get a certain joy out of knowing that finally they realized guess what YOU SCREWED up. and the truth is..I couldn't even tell you if it's genuine or not because you lied so much that it's like Is this real emotion or just big talk for everyone to see and make you look like a good guy!!!! And to think that you thought that YOU ALMOST KILLED ME..do you not get it..I learned a long time ago not to make men my world. the only thing in my world is Christ and he is the top dog..the only dog as far as im concerned! Im so thankful for my Christian friends who are living for Christ and help me day by day not grow bitter and realize what I have in Christ. The amazing truth is I dont need anyone else but Christ. How AMAZING IS THAT! Im just so frustrated right now i dont even know what to think..but its so amazing to be able to get it out like this..just let it flow and know that God...knows already *sigh*Who condemns us but Christ..who am I to condemn, i am no one..but someone who must forgive and love..because thats who Christ calls me to be...
even if it hurts like heck sometimes
.....
<3

Oh how it is

I am currently loving the life in which i lead! It's getting stressful..and sometimes it is frustrating. Things don't work out the way I think they should, or you know...ugh...God is so good....^_^
I have been on break and sometimes it feels like I haven't been on break long enough ;) I'll be back Jan 2nd...^_^ but man i feel like it's just really not long enough..which is saying something because I never have wanted to stay home for this long. MAN!! LOL
I have come to the grips w/ the fact that i am a complete and utter freak. and the best part is that I <3 it lol...
I am so thankful that I have friends, that I have a family that loves me, and that God is with me all the way!
I dont really have much of a news update....erm..New hair cut..loving it so much, i cannot stop loving things... UGH <3 Lord thank you so much for my friends and my life...The pain isn't anything you cant deal w/ ;)

Love the Lord

Lord-
I dont even know..the words lord..they don't come the way they are supposed to..but i know Lord that you are in control, and i know that you are the master of everything. And I thank you so much for that, and the fact that everything that happens..is in your hands. Even if the person its happening to refuses to believe that. Lord I just ask you for strength, in doing whats right lord, that I didn't do anything stupid LOrd, that this will be taken care of and that...
Lord you know my tears fell because of the love i have for my friend. that he is one of the best, and Lord i just know the pain hes feeling is sometimes going to get worse. God please give him strength. Lord show him who you are. get this girl away from him, who drags you away from him....Thank you so much Lord
I LOVE YOU!!!!

^_^

SoOooo im going bowling tonight, getting my hair cut and going shopping! I AM SO EXCITED! I'm going to be getting this hair cut!!! Isn't it exciting looking..But i just hope it goes well..I'm going to take, b4 after pics and then i'm going to!!! xD i am excited to see how this works out YAY BOWLING YAY BOWLING YAY <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Just wanted to let you all know im alive, loving life, and going to be gone..;)

At your feet

Ok! So, God has slammed in the face for a couple things. I know what Jef did was wrong, and what he's doing right now by ignoring me isn't so right either..But, it's his choice and God will use that for him, and for me. I am not upset with him anymore, i am hurt w/ the situation...But so thankful that God has taken me out of it, and shown me that It will be better off for me not to be with him. That he has some growing to do, and that one day he will truly be an awesome man of God. But until that day...anyway.
It's just exciting to see that God doesn't waste pain. and further then that. The fact that he's taking away the pain that I could feel and putting praise on my lips for his name :)!!!!!!!!!! OooooooOOoOo
It was my birthday yesterday! and it was awesome! I got so many birthday wishes, spend the day by my lonesome but def enjoyed the night with the family. It was filled with laughter, killing frosty the snow cake and just watching hoodwinkd. OH cant forget exorcise lol...anyway it was awesome and I am thankful for my family..and my friends who are there for me when I need them, and even when i think i dont...<3

Played

Right so..I'm not going to lie...I am currently pissed off..OK SO lets get this straight....
*You lied
*You lied some more
*You LIED ABOUT LYING
*You screw me over
*start dating another girl
*act like i dont exist
*add me and shove it in my face
*have your girl message me
*OH PLZ LETS CONTINUE
oh and have ur girl erase me....*Slams face on table*
HAPPY FREKEN BIRTHDAY ;)

Last day of being 21

W-O-W it seems so weird that tomorrow I am going to be 22..and you know this twenty second year of my life is going to be different. I am going to grow closer to my Lord then anything else. I want to show people his love, let people see HIS light through me. I refuse to be afraid to spread the gospel. I am going to tell anyone I can, when given the opportunity. You may be saying wow ...Sarah that's a high order..lots of people say it, but God has changed me SO much in so much that I need to tell people about him...Being in love w/ my God..is an amazing feeling and I am so thankful for this feeling...*sigh* :)
twenty two....can you please just explain to me how this happened? It seems I remember turning 15. and hating that i was getting old..and now it seems to be 22..lol I am rejoicing in the fact that Christ has everything in my life set up..no matter what seems to be happening....Snow camp is coming up right after Missions confrence in January and i am so pumped! God is going to be showing us what he can do...and i am excited to be able to allow him to work through me :-D
I am going to go do quiet time and re write my biblical principles on dating..I think that sometimes when we feel like we want something..we change things to fit our needs..and im not going to allow that to happen anymore. Im changing my biblical principles to fit exactly what Christ has for me :)
Everlasting..your light will shine when all else fades...amen <3

Along came the pain!

Sometimes the pain we are going through at the time...is just the thing we need. This sucks for me a lot, and i'm not saying it doesn't hurt for him. I think that he has made mistakes, but people don't need to badger him for it. I understand they want to stick up for me, they are my friends but...I wish they could see what they are doing to the friendship we are trying to salvage from this pain...
God is in control of it all right? if he wanted us together then either we would be or we will be. as far away from our sights as it is that's the truth. and I am completely in the knowledge that he is our all sufficient creator and when he wants something to happen it will happen...wither it's the easy way or the hard way..
Saying that...I am hurting..guys im hurting a lot, this was hard for me..but it's also showing me that I can truthfully say Christ is my sufficiency, and that when im in pain he is there HE IS ALWAYS THERE....and for that I thank Jef more then anything because it is truly giving me the chance to....show what im made of so to speak.
NOW on to less depressing news...I cannot believe im going to be 22 tomorrow (the 9th) eww..I feel so old sometimes lol! But my sister is coming over and i am so pumped! Ya know..just want to throw it out there..while this whole thing has been going on ive been listening to mostly if not all praise music and it's just...so uplifting to know how much Christ cares, and loves us.....
anyway i just wanted to chuck that your way ;)

Blessed be the name of the Lord

How good is our God??!?!? Seriously...*sigh* it's amazing to me..to see the peace that he gives me..and the joy that he gives me when other people would be feeling so bad for themselves like..wow I am just so blessed to have a God who loves me as much as he does...
LEt me tell you something..When you go through something hard, and you know that very well it could destroy you.. It doesn't..when you give it to God..it just....it hurts and yeah it will but Guess what..God is in control..Proverbs 3:5,6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding..in all YOUR ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" hmmm Can I hear an AMEN?!?! *laughs* Yeah...well im ok guys honestly, im hurt but wow..God is doing soo..amazing hes so kind and so gracious (imagine that..our God ;) ) lol anyways...yeah im done rambling just so thankful for God..and his love <3

Shut up and put your money where your mouth is

WOW..that's what God's been telling me lately..if i say I trust him, and I act like everything EVERY little thing is driving my emotions, and I live by those emotions what kind of person am i being?a hypocrite..and a girl ;) lol but more then that a hypocrite. My God is in control of it all and i need to get over myself and deal with that...I'm quite frustrated because, currently it seems like Jef and I will not be able to chill on my birthday =\ which hurts a bit because that's what I really REALLY wanted to do, chill w/ my bestie and Jef...but *Shrugs* we will see..Im asking my madre if she can get him, and i'll give her some money..more then whats needed because, hey why not she would do that for me then she deserves money. If that doesnt happen that idk what im going to do, because it kinda bothers me.. a little bit that i dont do anything or have any fun on my birthday..:( BUT i will have great joy because if i terry, and if the Lord of course does I Will have another year, say another day to tell people about Christ and uplift him...
:)

bajam

well well well...today hasn't been much of an interesting day, im not going to lie..but thats ok! xD! Today i deff slept in, not going to lie it was ridiculous...but thats ok...maybe until 1:40 pm and i fell asleep @ 12.something i think if not 11 something. I exorcised today..ive been doing it everyday and it's an awesome thing!I do it when i get frustrated, upset, or just want an awesome time...lol -_- naw, but really it helps me a lot when i get bored i can exorcise, or do something like that. Quiet time has been so good :)...so so good :) W00t
H-E-L-L-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO beautiful..am i going bowling, or chilling @ my house for my birthday?...decisions decisions.. :(
bleh
8 days..till my bday... 10 till party ;)

God is in control

I am a stupid girl *laughs* sometimes you know, it's like i make the stupidest ideas...in my head, i have stupid emotions..i just i dont know..it's a hard time for me..and i really dislike living with people for so long and then getting cut off from it...:) I have to realize that God is in control...


So I was reading today in this thing called Manhattan Declaration and it's talking about Christians needing to taking a stand! I'm so so so excited! I decided to sign it! Because I am going to take a true stand for what needs to happen :) So w00t w00t..God is a good God and im pumped to see what happens lol....if I die you know why :)
because im going to be a martyr for Christ if that's what that needs to happen..
<3

Im scared

Have you ever liked someone a lot? and thought things were going the right way..and then one second, one choice made you change your mind?Maybe it was stupidity on your part, or maybe on theirs....either way your having major issues and guess what? The major time you want to talk to them you cant? I wish you could have seen it this morning when I woke up? It's ridiculous you know..how one can feel so inferior by 2 comments made :( I really cannot wait until he gets back so we can chat about this because I am sick of feeling this way...and on top of that I Slept through my alarm for church because i've been so worried and waking up every other hour.
Blog, im not going to lie..I haven't liked someone like this in a while..and it's killing me that he might screw me over. I don't want to believe it, because he seems to be an awesome man of God...but sometimes things say other words....I just wanted to beg him not to hurt me and if it was going to go anywhere w/ him and his ex to just drop me now because, Lord...I am not so sure how my heart will fare with being broken again. But the truth is Lord your in control of all..and it's true he is in control of all wither or not I like it. and I told myself I needed to understand that if he wasnt the right person for me, that I would listen..and that I would gladly take the hint and peace...but like sometimes I just feel like he is, and it's killing me because...my heart is in way deep..not sexually we arent, I am not kissing until marriage, but oh my heart will truly be ||destroyed|| but my God will protect me...
So if your a Christian and you read this..just pray for my heart. cause I like this boy a lot..and i know God's in control but i will still cry, i will still be quite upset, but i know in the end that my God is a good God...who protects me from all kinds of evil, and promises good things for me...
-_-...
<3

BLAHZZ

Break has been going interestingly so far! Exorcising every day, as well as quiet time. so spirit and body getting exorcise, i am anyway. Already things are going on that would make it very easy for me to stop believing, to stop thinking that God is in control. But then I hold myself back to the fact that my God knows everything, and that he is a God of order and control. He knows what he's doing and I am so thankful for that...Im a little nervous about some things going on but like i said before my God is a good God and i know that he can be trusted....we are reading Revelation in our Quiet times, and it's so exciting..not to see the end of the world or the end times i supposed, but you know, the fact that no matter whats going on God has it in his hands..God has it so that he knows all of it.My birthday is pretty soon (the 9th) and i am quite pumped...my friend..(good friend) doesn't have 500$$ to get his car fixed and it looks like we might not be able to hang on my birthday which would hurt a lot..but I guess sometimes God makes things happen....I just haven't decided if he's trying to tell me something or you know maybe this is just satan doing what he does best trying to confuse....us :( Lord if you could make this obvious..itd be so amazing....
I love you so much Lord, and im so thankful for the fact that you are holding all things in control...its amazing <3 <3 <3 I also ask that you give me contentment if i cant get to chill w/ Jef on my birthday, or anytime soon...
:(

Oh Lord

I wont lie, Im hurting a lot right now..=[ A friend of mine, a pretty good friend. Of my brother's, and mine for that matter...is telling people he is an Athiest..when for all the time i've known him growing up, and just...getting older. An Avid Christian.I was so proud of him and what was going on, but at the same time I was worried and i felt it coming...*Sigh* Lord give him strength to see who you are again. This happens to people....they walk away from God, they forget who he is and what he has done for them. and truthfully...what WE did to him..and by that I mean nails, pain, and death. I would ask that fellow Christians pray for my friend..I love him to death as a brother and im scared for him.. :(
I just thought id..rant a bit for that
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lord,
Thank you for the God that you are. and thank you for allowing me to believe, and grow deeper in the knowledge of you. I am so thankful that I am able to worship you. God I ask you to lift up my friend. Im so troubled for him Lord, and Im so scared this he wont see who you are. But Lord, you are in the business of saving people and you are also in the business of bringing people back to you. and I am so thankful for that.I am thankful that you have the power Lord, and I dont have to worry because you are in full control. I Ask Lord you bring people into his life, that make him sure that you are real again lord. that you dont allow this little time to ruin his testimony for you.
I ask that you allow me the words just to explain Lord. To show your love to him, and understanding that he wants. Lord I pray that he will be willing to listen and you give wisdom to the people.....Im so in love with you Lord. Help me that I wouldn't fall into the same traps more then ones...I love you so much Lord...
=x

Grandma Day

So! today has been so far, a wonderful day! But, so is everyday for the ones who love Christ aye?! Going home tomorrow..It feels like this day is never going to end, but at the same time it's such an amazing thought that i'll be on my way home tomorrow morning. and then there promptly...if something goes wrong MAYBE an hour later :-p
Im continually being slammed by satan this week and it's hurting im not going to lie...But I know my God has good things in store for me. Most likely this is going to become more of a prayer log..because thats what I do a lot, and i figure...eh why not :-p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lord, thank you so much for the God that you are. Thank you for the things that you do. God so many times when things go wrong I find it easy to turn and try to get other things to fix the issues. Im finding Lord that you are my God and you are the only one that can make life worth living. You are the only one that allows me to breathe each day and Lord I thank you for being in control. Lord I want to lift up my friends today Lord, as we go on break from wolbi for some people it's going to be hard. they will be put through many temptations, Some from Satan and some from themselves. I ask that you keep them strong Lord and grounded in your word. Lord I ask you let them all arive home safely with their families to celebrate Thanksgiving, and give thanks to you! The Lord and God who made it possible for us to be thankful for something!! I love you so much Lord
Amen

Wonderful, merciful

Wow,
It's been an interesting week ...o.0 or since whenever i last wrote on this blasted thing ^_^...jk. A lot has happened, and it's been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.....I am learning however that our God is so good, and that even when we are stupid..and try to ruin good things he's put in our lives, those good things stick, knowing our God has something good for us :) and it just makes me happy that my God blesses me even in my stupidity......SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo My friends got engaged this weekend..It was beautiful :) And I had the privilege of being part of it, we got to be there and take a video, and i took some pictures (about 50?) and it was pretty nice weather to...and especially good company ^_^!!!
ANYWAY.........I get to go home on wednesday for break, and wont come back until January 2nd..thats a beautiful thought. I know I will regret it when i get home but until then :) I will be happy!
ALRIGHT enough rambling im going to go take a nap :)

so good

God is so good isn't he?! ^_^ He's been doing so much in my life, showing me how amazing he is...it's so hard sometimes to show gratitude! But we need to get off our butts and do so! (cool right^) ANYWAY.....
I just wanted to put it out there that he is so good and i am so little...I need to be thanking him every day :)
-Isaiah 26:3

W-O-W

OK! So it's been a pretty long time since I have even decided to write on this...BUT the only reason is i've forgotten completely..but something tells me I will remember more often..ANYWAY ...Life in a little ...(here we go)
Got to school

Met cool people

Turning 22 in 23 days

Met this creeper named Jef,

Hes ok :-p

lol

good times

Today was an awesome day...lol i was so tired from getting back from taco bell @ 2 am...but let me just tell you it was a great time. Mrs.Bennett and I went to first go get my clothes from my house and then we went to go shopping for her clothes..lol it was so funny to shopping for her clothes. It was hard getting my things and not being able to stay there you know..I had to take my things from home and i had to not get them back..to the place I love..the hardest thing you know..but dude let me tell you the hardest to do was leave the cats..i love them the most and thats really sad *Shrugs* BUT anyway the thing is today in plattsburgh we had so much fun going through many clothes that she didnt think were good to get nothing that was good lol -_- although i take it back she did buy a shirt no two..anyway LOL it was a lot of fun and i am so glad i did..its like the mother daughter thing people dont get to do..thats exciting you know? lol people were just telling me they didnt like it that i could type so fast with two fingers and not look..lol
-_-
oh well whatcha ganna do? so anyway yeah...im staying at the bennetts until tuesday (when i go back) :) w00t exciting let me just tell you...
anywho..i tried on some sweet sunglasses and i just thought id show you

tacos at midnight?!?!

So...Most deff just got back from a midnight taco bell run...best ever..in my humble opinion! lol it was a lot of fun..making good memories w/ mat b4 he goes to the army..and maybe dies and i'll never see him again...ANYWHO looking on the bright side
LOL It was a lot of fun hanging out tonight and we just had a good time talking and of course eating tacos and drinking fruitsta freeze pina colada flavored..w/ strawberry and pineapple ;) lol...good times let me just tell you..looks like im here for the rest of break..so i'll see them until WOLBI time baby <3
good luck chuck
Im loving the rest of this break
God is good..and he has shown me so much if i just put faith in him he can take care of so much more then i would be able to do....

in consideration

wow...Everything has been going so much differently lately..not sure what to think of it..all of a sudden i dont feel like an idiot all the time..but i am going through some pretty bad withrdrawl..which sucks but it's ok because it is all going to get better..cold turkey is better then going off it slowly..since I Shouldnt be doing it anyway aye?im so tired and im dizzy and i feel like puking and not eating but at the same time i want to eat but im afraid to throw up..but then I Never throw up..it's just the feeling ya know? B-L-A-H I hate it...
a couple more days and im back to wolbi...odd thought you know..it feels like this break has been forever..and in a way it has been..I cannot wait to see my friends again and just hug them and love them! I hope they all are having good breaks..I mean i know its not possible that all of them did and or are but still you can pray for it right?
anyway..im off i think im going to read and then take a nap..my body hates me so much right now im not even going to lie...

what a change

Exciting!!! I am at the Bennett's staying for a while..not sure how long exactly..and I am just so thankful for them..it's amazing when you find people that you truly can trust and that truly love you..I decided i couldnt be there anymore i just couldnt..it breaks me down and i lose it..and im so glad im in a place where i can be myself and I can just...let God build me up again...it's a great thing to have..and im privaliged to have people that can help me with that.. :) im just so thankful...God is being so good to me.....
I hate crying over happy things like...its' so odd for me to feel like people want me that people actually care if something happens to me or if i make it in this world...I Dont know how it feels yet truly...right now it just makes me cry..I know God cares about me dont get me wrong sometimes i guess it's just nice to know that human beings truly care about you and want the best for you...
....:) im just so thankful..going to read and then go to bed...
for once im going to sleep well i think ;)
LoL

hope..

Sometimes I feel like such a liar...such a hypocrite..and you know it's really starting to get to me...but im not quite sure what to do with it..I ask God to forgive me..I try not to live the way that I did before I was saved, or the way i did before I was TRYING to live for God..but sometimes I just feel like im disgusting, ugly and need to make myself believe otherwise so i do stupid things to make it that way..Isaiah 26:3...it's been running through my head over and over...i've been reading it but not living it..and im having a horrible time with it..my friends are telling me i need to go live with them..that it's not good for me to be here it's not good for me to be at my house living the way they do doing the things i do when im home...I dont know..I didnt really agree until this morning i Really starting thinking about it..and this isnt good for me at all..especially not with my ministry coming up...this next week im just..i dont know worried i guess..I go back to wolbi tuesday (next) And i want to do it right you know? I want it to be ok..I want it not to be stupid or....you know me being a hypocrite..I cant do this..it's so hard and i just really want to give up but i know thats the wrong choice..I just need to suck it up maybe? GUH I dont know anymore im so lost and im just so confused...im going to ask...i know its not like me but you need to be humbled right?! you need to make sure things go the way they need to so i am going to see if i can stay w/ mat and his mom for a while..they have a good family..people i can trust...
:)...
Isaiah 26:3
my new tattoO ^_^

Hola!

Wow..today was a long day..one that I LONG for it to be over -_- Im glad that tommorrow is church ^_^ ..ive been waiting to go to church for a while I miss it a lot..sadly when they wont teaxch you to drvie you really have no choice but to go when they let you go..or beg someone else for a ride and well I had no choice because it was to late last week...*Shrugs* Such is life aye ?
ANYWAY
Monday Im getting a tat..w00t w00t..and then...thursday im chilling w/ crystal and katelyn probably and then tuesday GO BACK w00t cant wait to go back :)

romance?

Ive really..been realizing how thankful I am that I am not in a relationship right now...It's really humbling to see all my friends go through hard times with their loved ones...*Shakes head* Im excited for the chances God is giving me to grow in my relationship with him..and that I know one day when I am in a relationship that it'll be the best time and i'll be able to bring my loved one closer to God because of it..^_^ it's an exciting thought!!
I wanna just tell people that maybe give them some encouragement ...yeah your not in a relationship right now..and maybe you are and its going (not so great) but truthfully..it'll be ok! Do what God wants and it will work out for the best...it may not be easiest..but it'll be the best in the end...
Single people::Enjoy single life while you have it...worship God the most you can while you have no one else to worry about so to speak......
People in relationships..help your loved one grow closer to God and continue seeking his will!!!
<3 u all!

oOOo so bored

My tongue is swollen..and my teamates on halo bit the dust...*sigh* it was kinda sad i'm not going to lie to you... SooOoOoOo yeah...
IM SO FREEKN BORED..I watched robot chicken tonight..lol that was so so funny....-_- and now aqua teen...
o_0 going to play halo3 tommorrow w/ chris...xD

whenever i wake up....

Today...
I read a bit...did a LOT of laundry..and I've been cleaning..-_- thats been some fun times lets just say that -_- NOT..ugh its so boring...let me tell you though...my tongue was very swollen this morning it was so funny..well to me atleast I laughed a lot but thats ok..its better now and im getting used to eating with it slowly i think..its hard and ive bitten the ball like...2x's so thats not to bad..ive been cleaning it when im supposed to so..I think it will be just fine...If not im going back on monday to get my tattoo so it'll be fine(I hope).
UGH I do not want to clean anymore..or do anymore laundry...or pack...YES im packing already thats how much I wish not to be here...*laughs* man i think im a little bit pathetic but im not sure what to bring so i just make sure that I have all i think..and if i dont have enough or if i have to much I will just have....my mom come get it or bring me stuff...
I KNOW I KNOW I go back in 13 days why am i already getting ready...seriously I know its going to be a hard summer more stretching then any other part of the year (So they say) but really..I cannot wait to go back..I hate being in a place where people really dont care about God..and those who do you wouldnt know it because they are to into their own lives...bLEH
Anyways...
off i go into the sun set to clean another room..

TODAY

was a really great day ^_^
I got to spend time with my friends,get my tongue peirced and its my madre's bday! it was just a really great time im not going to lie to you ....lol ^_^

T@@T()() future ^_^

I am soooo excited! On Monday I am getting tattooed, and then I might be getting my tongue peirced on the same day! I would be so so so so excited if i could get both..if not i am pretty darn excited just getting the tattoo..quite frankly ^_^ lol ^_^ thats the tattoo im getting on my wrist :) I think it's so cute and I just really...really <3it..it's important to me and..i just love it so much ^_^
SO yeah..hopefully it'll only cost me...50..but if it costs more its ok i just wont be able to get any...peircings...unless it costs like 60 then i might be able to get one of my nips peirced again -_-...
we'll see how it goes..this is mats and my...last time to hang out @ the tat shop b4 he goes to the army :(
I love him and im excited w00tzzz

Isaiah 26:3,4

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you.Trust in the LORD forever,
for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal"

He keeps ME in perfect peace when my mind is stayed on him...when I just trust in my heart that he is in control..when I realize that things going on aren't going to change because I want them to..when I realize hes the one who can change things not me...thats when my mind will be in perfect peace...because when your thinking of the God who is in control of everything..the God who loves you even though he knows every stupid thing about you..How could you not be in peace??...He is our rock eternal..When things get rocky..you get on that rock and your not going to be tossed around your standing still and safe....amazing..*Shakes head*
OUR GOD IS SOO GOOD ^_^

chicken nuggetz

H-O-M-E
Ok...lets just say i'm home..and i'm frustrated though..its hard to be home with people who don't really care about God you know? *Shrugs* Sometimes I feel like im never going to be ok w/ this whole thing..like i'm going to fall apart each and every time I come home i'm going to lose it..that's what i'm most worried about..but maybe it wont happen..It feels like to much but according to my God and my bible say differently don't they :)....that's at least a good thing to know...Im going to chill w/ my friends and im pretty excited...-_-...
XD

H-0-M-3

So...I'm home...
lol *Shakes head* it's been pretty fun so far...I took a walk with my bro..and when we got back I Made some chocolate mousse with my Madre. Let me just tell you..she put the wrong amount of sugar in..so eh..it didn't taste quite the way it should lol but *shakes head* it was still fun..
After that played my guitar for a little while and now im sitting down and just chilling out...actually watching t.v..and later I will be playing halo for forever w/ my bro.^_^...lol it'll be great! It's going to be a long 2 weeks but it'll be ok! because I know my God is such a great God and this is the way that it has come to....
I was thinking about it the other day..and you know I was really praying and wondering..I want a bf..and ive been praying..but you know what...God is going to show me the man that i need when it comes..and im ok with that..ive been praying and its cool when God shows you that you CAN and you WILL wait on him...i mean what other choice do I have?! God is good...
and he is great
<3

ENd of the School YEAr

Right now i would just like to say how much i HATE the exit interview you have to take for loans..it's so annoying! And currently i would like to chuck something not very nice @ it...*growls* Im just very frustrated w/ it..but hopefully it will be over soon and guess what?!? I Wont have to deal w/ it..until next year when I get a new one..-_- LOL..oh well I guess that comes with not having enough money..but hopefully (HOPEFULLY)next year i'll get some more scholarships that's i can get and have $$ but yeah that's a wish..I don't even know if i'll have the money 2 finish 2nd year...But if God wants me there he will provide and I am very excited about that!
I am leaving friday *shakes head* WOW...and then for 2 1/2 weeks I am home..and then it's hop on a boat to the island and pray to the lord that the summer will be awesome. Im very nervous but *shakes head* WHO WOULDN'T BE! but yeah..im a little nervous.and i dont know the girls on my team very well...but hopefully it'll all be good -_-..It will be a rough summer but a good one @ that....OH the amazing thing is that 2nd year is going tobe so much fun...not as many of my friends will be here..which is a sad thought..but my good friends most of them will be and so i will be ablet o make it :) IM GOING TO GO TO finish this then clean..ha!

wow

It's so amazing to me..that when you finally let go...and give things to God how smoothly it goes along...and it amazes me even more how stupid I am...lol I never let it go right away I fight for the death to deal w/ the stupidity that I "need" to go through that I don't want to but I feel the necessity of it...If we ..really just realized how great our God is..and how he is in control of everything in our lives it really wouldn't be this difficult....
Time and time again we pray to God and we ask him to help us and give us strength..time and time again..and yet we doubt so much......GUH it frustrates me so much sometimes *Shakes head* But our God is good and ever loving...

Walk all over me..

ARG.
Im not quite sure why people decided to be idiots today it seems like everyone is deciding to be a jerk today...it's a little frustrating..like Kevin was asking me what I wanted to do w/ my future..after 2nd year..and then after I answered he promptly shot it all down..and im just sitting there like what in the freken world..and i asked him if we could talk about something else and he starts talking about it again..and im like WHAT THE FLIP..so i walked away and then he walks by..oh im sorry if i hurt you..I Didnt get to ask him if he really was or if he just was saying it to get me off his case but i rather not start crap...and then my"friend" when i walked out of the library gave me this huge attitude and was like what are you doing here..and i was like um study hours and he was like arent you campused..and i was like no...and he was like well then why did u go out of classes and i was like cuz i did...and i did classes online..and then he was like so your campused you should be in your room..what the flip...then i asked him if he was ok and he gives me this attitude...im really getting sick of this..can i deal w/ a 2nd year of people treating me like this..Maybe kevin was right I am a doormat..and i let people walk all over me...im getting sick of it im not going to lie..but i dont know how to change it..like thats my major problem..you can be sick of anything but unless you know what do w/ it...i guess you cant complain...
heh anyway.... the banquet was last night and that in itself was a wonderful time...really it was...let me just say it's been stressful but..God is good..I dont know how longim going to be able to do this for....but God gives strength

God

Wow...
let me just tell you..its been a crazy weekend once again...My friend a really...really good friend left =[ and it was probably the saddest day of my time here at the B.I so far....I tried to talk her out of it but she just wouldnt listen..im a bit frustrated that she thinks she is doing the right thing..i mean how can you think your doing the right thing when your going against everything...You've learned so much..you've done so well..things are going not so great...TRUTH it happens to everyone.you have to finish well..what other choice do you have?! Our God has given us this opportunity...to start well and even if we dont start well to finish well! AND WHY WOULD YOU QUIT?!?! 2 weeks..I know it would be a hard 2 weeks but man..God has so much he could have done *sighs* I just...I wish people would trust more..I mean yeah i know I have a problem with it..trust me i know that but IM STILL HERE YOU KNOW?!
It can be so hard sometimes to be in this place..but you know...#1-its better then being in a lot of places we could be...and #2-if you are growing and doing good and God is keeping you here for a reason OK!
your not here just for good times..
UGH *slams head*
God is a sovereign God..I have no choice but to trust

w00t

Hola!
SO...pretty much lets see whats going on...went to saratoga again today ^_^..got to see my friend brina that was good..I got to see mrs.bennett today ^_^ that was the highlight (im not going to lie) but hung out w/ some friends...it was a lot of good times all in 1. I got new gauges..w00t w00t im going to be up to a 1/2 inch...by tommorrow most likely..maybe not we will see..but im hoping *Smirks* anyway..going to pla apples to apples @ 9..fun x's
xXx

yep

So...
Pretty much life is going o_0...tommorrow I am going shopping...<3 i am pretty excited w00t w00t
xXx

will i stay or will i go now...

Im frustratred..(suprise right) and tired..and just tired of being frustrated lol...really its been that kind of time and im just quite sick of it..It's almost like..im questioning 2nd year because it's just that bad..I dk how long i can take it for..we'll c how i make it cuz right now i dont know if i will make it another year here...
:(
Off to class..

seem frustrated much

-_- ugh...
so yesterday...was a great day! I hung out w/ the bennett's all day how could it not be?! lol...but let me tell you...getting back here just shows me how frustrated I am and how easy it is to get frustrated with people....when they ditch me..like man thats really hard...I have felt so ditched lately..and people start making jokes about how nice it would be here without me like..sometimes i feel like they really want to say that they just dont because they dont want to "upset me" IM SICK OF IT anyway.....Today is most likely going to be a bad day but im going to try to make it good anyway..it's kind of like.....i dont even know how to explain how bad it is so far i just feel like crying but I guess it doesn't matter does it...
no one here cares and thats what gets me most..we are all supposed to be christians who care but truthfully..no one here really cares i dont think..except maybe a few kids and the deans...
it's hard realizing this but I guess everyone has to come to their own conclusion that your never going to make everyone happy so why trying making anyone happy..i guess thats bad theology..but i dont care right now..
im going to go eat lunch sit by myself until i have to work...or maybe i'll go back to bed..either way i dont care anymore...
im done w/ him...im done w/ them and im most certainly dont here....

away

Wow
you just ever have one of those...I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE days....yeah im having one of those..so guess what...IM GETTING OUT OF HERE...Im chilling w/ the bennetts all day..which really is the best thing that could ever happen to me because I just really love their family and they are awesome...It's sad when water is thicker then blood ya know?......like I really wanted to chill w/ my mom today but guess what..that's not happening...so now i guess i just get to be more blessed because I can chillax w/ mrs.bennett and the family....
I Miss my family but sometimes when this stuff happens it's like i wasnt made to be in a family like mine..a family where they dont really care...ya know? *Shrugs* Maybe im just being dramatic but..i really feel that way sometimes
heh

im going to go get the rest of the way ready..so peace out girl scout..
<3

AH

AHH
May i start by saying i am really quite sick of being ditched...*cough and sigh* yeah..thats right im sick of it and im not going to lie...its really ridiculous that I have to deal w/ these things you know..sometimes it just really gets me upset..and then when you ask someone to pray about things with you and they wont even do it...
LIKE UGH WHAT A FRIEND RIGHT??!?!
Im so sick of everything going on with this place and just ugh my heart is not in the right place right now and im working on it but oh man if things could just get easier
im going to go to bed b4 i punch something

oh to love

but

Hey-
WOW...this week has been crazy already and it's only Monday..lol today we went to the beach and let me tell you it was sooo fun! It was deff a day that I needed to just chillax and hang out w/ friends! God has blessed me so much *shakes head* Lol

Sing praise to the Lord, you saints of His, and give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name. For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:4-5

When things are going bad…and when things aren’t going the way we wanted them to go….how easy is it to praise the Lord? How is it to trust in him…and the fact that no matter what happens he will take care of us?.....I don’t know about you but for me it’s not very easy at all…Psalm 30:4-5

Weeping ie…(trials, frustration, anger) may endure for the night…but JOY comes in the morning! Being a Christian doesn’t mean that our lives are going to be filled with rainbows and butterflies(So to speak) Part of being in this sinful world is being in a life filled with sin….Gossip, bitterness, and hate.
The thing is that we have to chose the kind of life that we are going to lead. The true Christian…better said the true follower of God has an awareness that no matter what goes on in our lives, God will always take care of us. Whatever concerns us concerns God! And whatever trials we are going through it is for the Glory of God that we are going through this. And also to grow us, and mature is into the women God wants us to be.
He promises that the weeping may endure for the night but the joy comes in the morning…The morning may not be right away..it may not be the next day..and it may not be the next month of the next year even…but it will happen…and even if that morning is the day you get to heaven what an amazing morning of joy that will be!
Until the “morning” comes we have to continue on. We have to pray to God daily and ask him to give us joy in the times when all we want to do is lay down in our beds cover our heads with our pillow and scream until we fall asleep….

Psalm 30:11-12=You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, to the end that my glory may sing praise to you and not be silent. O Lord my God I will give thanks to you forever.

It is also an awesome thing to remember that God will give us joy…that’s hard to remember during trials..when we don’t feel the “happiness” we often times forget about the joy…
He has done this that our glory will be for his praise…that when we go through these things and we have true joy that only the Lord can give us..other people are going to be looking on and wondering what we have. This in itself is an awesome testimony that we have. In life we have to show that we have more hope then the average person. Our what can people say is different about our lives?

It’s awesome to remember that our God knows what we are made of…he knows what we can handle and what we cannot…..

. Psalm 30:11-12 says “You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, to the end that my glory may sing praise to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I Will give thanks to you forever

this is my .....devo that I am going to do..im not quite sure when it's "due" but im thinking tonight so....I did it..and if its not then well guess what..thats ok because i dont really care ;) LOL..either way i wanted it done..and i thought this was a good topic to do it on...I dont know if i will do that great..but its ok ;) it's all to the glory of God aye?....
ANYWAY...
Im going to the beach again tommorrow.....^_^ w00t w00t