Day 2

W-O-W
So...today is my 2nd day doing this...settingcaptivesfree.com eating safe thingie..let me just tell you..even though it is a little more difficult then I thought it would be..it's going well...forcing me to really cling to Christ regardless of whats going on...
Yesterday....was a half day...all food=half portions..that was ok..but hard...today is liquid day..i only get to have 1 real meal..the rest is juices, you know water..LIQUIDS....
I slept through breakfast but woke up and had some water..juice for lunch and now i am having some chai tea latte...except its cold ;) woooow baby!! How i change things up lol..so obviously i choose dinner to be the real meal...idk what i am going to eat yet..because i am going bowling..so that will be splended!
^_^ I get to see my sister and I am so pumped. i am bringing my camera ....i have missed her so much and i get to see some old friends....it's going to be interesting..i need to live my life the way Christ has shown me how to live...
:)
<3>

FWD: jamesmacdonald: If submitting to what God allows and not giving up was simple, everyone would be doing it.

Absolutly no reason

*sigh* I dont really know why I am here..i feel like no one wants me here, and i feel like i am just being hated on. It is really ridiculous quite honestly and I am sick of it. I wont leave though..I need to get my computer fixed, my permit is coming in the mail, and a lot of other things are going on that i need to make sure happen...but leaving and making sure that im happy isnt one of them.....
I am going to my good friends wedding ...in about 6 weeks...-_- TOO LONG!! I cannot wait to go to Ohio and see them..I may even be able to see a friend of mine living in Indiana..so i am pretty pumped about that. even if not though it'll be good!
.....I am trying to keep a positive side about being home..but its very quickly losing its step..I want my bible back that my friend has at school so badly..i live 45 minutes away and guess what i still dont have it and shes been at school for...a week now
*Sigh* i havent had it for 3

A WEEK thats changed my life...hUH?!

W-O-W....
can i please just tell you how this week has completely SHAKEN any idea i had about this year and how it was going to go?....
Today(last week) I was so excited to go back to word of life..I was shaking w/ anticipation, ready to get out of this house and packed already! Monday came...( I wanted to leave and be there wednesday) I got a call...and i really thought nothing of the $ aspect..i thought oh...it'll be taken care of. i mean..in all honesty i've never had to worry about that..to much..so i talked to my mom and ya we just figured id all work out so i was still ready to go..ya God ya..im going on wednesday yes i am....
Tuesday-in the morning thought it was all figured out and was excited still all packed, still ready to go...Then my mom told me that night i couldn't go...and my heart crashed..I mean i think legit crashed...I had myself a good ol' self pitty party...because lets face it..if i had a choice to be home..or there....(id be anywhere else but home) ...
wed-well the rest of the week..I am not going to lie..it has been one of the hardest weeks of my life.. DONT GET ME WRONG...this isn't me just whining because i am not going to wol..( i am ) BUT being home isnt...great...
All this week i have faught (and still am honestly) fighting feelings of anger,doubt(as to this is the right thing) come on ...God you sure (YOU"VE BEEN THERE 2),jealousy...and feeling like people are forgetting me...
But....today at church ..and through psalm 86,psalm 145...God has just really been showing me how GOOD he is..and how he LOVES me and how he has plans for my good..and these things are so good for us to know..but when you...live it, when you feel it..its completely different. Now please dont misunderstand me. I KNOW People are going through things a lot worse then me. If i could stop and explain all the circumstances to you...well i probably wouldn't but..that's ok ...regardless of the circumstances..God is still there showing us who we are and who HE IS ...(that's the better one).....
NOW WHAT I'VE LEARNED (this week) CAUSE I HAVE...A LOT :::
1. I need to stop complaining- I go through things i don't like..and instead of looking for what God is doing in it..i sit there and say this isn't fair, i dont deserve it and blah....

2.(Praising God in all things) Wooo...I NEED to do that..and it goes so much better when i do...

3.Trials/problems (yes dr.wicks) Really are our little buddies...they are showing me who God is..and how much strength he has...and how weak I am

4.God wants to make me more like his son....and he is going to do what it takes to make that happen. some of us learn easier then others..(i've never been a fast learner) LOL
-i am not saying God's punishing me...btw....I can choose to be thankful or complain

5.I cannot count on people....I shouldn't count on people..(this is something very hard for me) when i hurt..i want to talk to people about it..i want people to be around so I DONT FEEL the pain....but that's not the way it should be.... I AM COMPLETE in CHRIST..not in YOU *whoever is reading* lol... :)
-God is my strength and my salvation....(not my best friend...not my mom...not my brother, my sister....or Mrs.Bennett) (had to add her in) .... :)

...OK Legit..im done rambling....but I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW God has such great things planned for me..and It's still going to be a struggle for me but I KNOW he is able..and I am able w/ him *phil 4:13*
..:)

Pain

Lord,
This hurts me a lot..and i know you know that. and Lord i am so thankful that you do not waste my pain. God i pray that you would allow me to do well with this. Lord even though im not at the school I KNOW I can grow, and i can change..and Lord I KNOW that you are doing big things.. and that if it's your will...I will be able to go back to wol. this is only for a time and God i am so thankful that you are willing to do this for me. Lord i just.....I dont know what to do God my heart hurts so badly right now..I am lonely, i do not have Christian friends to hang out with and this is hard.....
I will continue to praise your name..because God, just because this happened doesnt mean you aren't good..I know you want me to be more and more like you Lord...and I hope and pray that I can continue growing.
Help me deal w/ this pain in a Godly way. Lord honoring to you..not myself and this stupid pain i feel...God i love you and i know you have whats best for me

g (:?N????{N??Z?;: "?A?2h?~??e ?
???? ?~????????e? tG?A?7?^ ??i? 4 ???9?, ??y ?
??? ::?>?Att? B??tP} J???r?z?Att t|?Ai7h?v??o6?m ??

AHHHHHHH

here is my frustration...
I dont know if im going to be able to go to the school that im completely in love w/...and that God has shown me thus far that I need to....*slams head*...and now i dont know if i can because they dont have somewhere for me to stay now because someone messed it up and i dont have the money it seems like..its just so frustrating because i know..or thought i knew God had me there..and this is 2days before..what else am i supposed to do?!?!
....i am truly trying not to flip out..but i dont know what else i would do..or where i would go..i cannot stay home i will flip out...my parents dont want me here and im ok w/ that because i dont want to be here
sorry..i know i am flipping out but COME ON...*sigh*
I know..i need to trust God i need to know that he is in control and that he has my best interests..and that he never will do anything to hurt me...
*slam*

ya

I am waiting to go to church...sadly my madre is SO SLOW and so..as i sit here...waiting for her to come..i thought..what better way (besides trying to fix my phone...which is FROZEN) would be to ...come here and write down whats been going on in my life...

*sigh* I have been so bored lately..but getting ready to go back to school on thursday (hopefully wednesday) ...but ANYWAY ....yes ive been very bored lately. yesterday..i went school shopping and got one of those famous keurig..thingies...k cups you know? Im pumped....

This year is going to be so great at school and I cannot wait to get it started..as scared as i am..lol i need to find my chucks because i havent been able to find them and cannot imagine where i would put them...*sigh* Im a little scared about that..just because they are so obviously mine i dont think someone would steal them but idk where they would be..

Last night i made a pillow case for a body pillow a friend gave me..and I AM SO PUMPED it looks so great..mismatched and I <3>

its hot right?
ANYWAYS

O the wonderful cross..

I am so thankful for the cross...I am thinking about it today..and im going to make it my goal to think about it everyday.....
I've been convicted lately that i do not think about the resurrection at all...im thankful for the cross and im thankful that he died for me..but if he didnt rise then what would be the joy of this life? yay someone died for you and thats good dont get me wrong but...our promises is held..our truth, our HOPE is held int he resurrection
<3....
God is so good to us and we dont really think about it sadly...AHhHhHHhhhHH he is so good to us! LOL
if you havent been thinking about what Christ has done for you..and what God sacraficed...sending his son please think about it today :)

ya

Im reading this book called Redeeming Love, and oh my word..it is so good already and i am only on the 4th chapter..this is going to be one of those books i get so addicted to that i cannot even stop to sleep..i feel it lol
God is blessing me and confusing me...well ok he isnt confusing me i shouldnt say that...life is confusing me..
i want to praise him through w/e happens..
I dyed my hair today w00t...the last time for a year

a bum

wow...
what a loser i am.. Haven't been on this thing in forever...I HAVE A REASON THOUGH..ok? Lets recap..since August 22nd..I have been in 3 different states....
the 22nd i went from NY-NH...i was in NH until this last tuesday...when I came to maine. OH wow it's been a break where God has certainly shown me how foolish i am..and how great he is. I had a great time in NH learning a lot of things that i wish i didnt but it's ok..because God's got my back. MAINE OH MY WORD...since the moment i stepped foot i have loved it. I Have been blessed beyond...all i thought would ever happen and i have just had an amazing time. i got to go to the ocean, go in..take lots of pictures o man!! SO GREAT.....
All good things must come to an end though..right? Well..tomorrow I head back to NY. i get to spend one night at the B.I (bible institute) were i will be in another couple of weeks..but i have to go home for about 12 days...after the one night of joy...*sigh* It saddens me to go back so soon but it will be nice at the same time. I am going to get a tattoo fixed, and i am going to enjoy air conditioning and hopefully..I SAY HOPEFULLY see my sister..who i miss..A LOT <3 ..anyway...that is what has been going on and i am terribly sorry for not writing in so long...i will try to write every day..although tomorrow might not happen :)