bitter oblivion

It has been a hard day...*Shrug* I know that the world is all going to hate me believing in God. that they aren't going to love the fact that I dont want to do the things that I used to do..because well That isn't the way they roll..today was hard because my family was hardcore against me..a lot and just bringing up the past and it hurt a lot..i had to walk outside for them not to see me cry it was just HARD...but *shrug* On the upside i did get some good talk about just how God has changed me and that's why i dont do the things that i once did..Idk how far it will go but *shrug* I also decided that my children are not going to get a facebook..or anything on the internet until they are older..I Saw this issue about this 11? year old girl..who got screwed with on youtube and then oh man forgive me but "All hell broke loose" and the words she spoke i could barely listen to it..*Shakes head* it just made me really sad..i was disgusted quite frankly...what is the world coming to?!?! (anYway) sorry..getting on ranting..i got to make some steak on the grill today andi t was epic <3

what started your selfinjury habit and how were you able to finally stop??

Started it? control..I wanted control over the things in my life and wouldn't give it to God..what stopped it? I struggle still but giving my problems to God..just giving up that control that I didn't really have in the first place

Ask me anything

I AM SO BORED

Today:: I woke up way to early.....and i was just so not ready for the day of nothingness to start. although i have done some laundry which i read my bible which is nice..and i have ...tried to get ahold of the bank which is fail tabular UGH anyway! I have found more friends who are most likely coming to 2nd year! (Which is very exciting) *nods* but just...I HATE WAITING..i hate doing nothing lol and there is only so much i can do..especially now since i dont have a car and i dont have anyone here...sitting in this house alone..listening to radio shows..i am so thankful this isnt going to be my life forever..*laugh* Id go INSANEthese girls came to see me yesterday..they help me w/ my sanity.. <3>

Heavy Hearted

It is just so overwhelming today...the knowledge that as Christians we are failing so horribly...oh man! I am learning more and more, how people who claim to be Christians are just being judgmental, ..not caring people..or they are living just like the world and having other Christians judge them! NO WONDER the world doesn't want anything to do with our God when we act like he doesn't exist most of the time...*Sigh* I am not saying i am completely out of the race for this..I KNOW I do some pretty stupid things A LOTT ...but my heart is just breaking today knowing that there is such a great good we could do in this world...to show Gods love and we chose to do what we want to instead.... *sigh*
Lord..help me not want to do what I want Lord..but help me be more like you everyday..Lord empty me of what is like myself..and give me more of you daily....moment by moment Lord make me like you...Help me show love to those who need love more then they know. Lord help me be a light to this world Lord..and not a hypocrite ....I love you Lord
amen

no chair

Today ...was a bit of a roller coaster im not going to lie *shrug* It was hard because i was a lone for a lot of the time in the morning..and i couldn't sleep what soever..i hate it when i have nightmares but...o well..My friends Katelyn and Paul came over and we played wii, ate some food and then katelyn and i played life on the computer. it was a lot of fun and we loooved it. My mom got home and started yelling at me...we got a new floor and i had put a chair on it that she asked me not to. i felt like an idiot..but ...it was my b..*Shrug*I just wish shed not make such a big deal...about it. it was an honest mistake but *Shrug* Im going to start reading the driving Manuel for my permit again hopefully i can get it before i go back to school then someone will be able to teach me how to drive..that'd be so epic..idk we'll see what God has :) Im tired..but i want to write some encouraging notes to my friends who will be here soon to see me!! :)
^_^..*note to self* do not put chair on wood floor ...
ugh

I need a hero

Home....
ugh *shrugs* back to same old same old i guess..it isn't my favorite but w/e...I know God is still doing things but today was hard..my dad just yells at me randomly, and i wanted to talk to my mom on the phone so i called and it was ignored 2xs and i didnt get why..but then my dad answered and was like no you cant talk to her..*sigh* UGHSSSSSS..oh well w/e..i feel like one day they will miss me when im not here anymore..and i have my own family..*Shrugs* their loss I suppose. Anyways...I am going to be an example..i am not going to live like i deserve respect..it's not the way it needs to be..its not the truth and thats what im living for now...
On the upside I went to see my best friend today! We went to church together, had a birthday party for her and went swimming!! Oh man was it ever fun! after that we got some pizza and some snacks and we pigged out, played rockband and just relaxed..it was beautiful <3

thankful

Well...
Im home..and i cannot say that im extremely excited but you know what that's ok. God is going to awesome work here..just the same that he would if i was at the island still. I am going to get my own unique ministry because i am going to allow my friends to come here and we are going to have good food and we can have free laundry and im so excited to be able to do that for them! I am also very excited to get to go to church tomorrow..man it's been forever since ive been at my church so it'll be nice to see who is going still and how everyone is doing ^-^..so so excited. Im also very excited to be going to 2nd year..and just getting ready for that :)
God is so good and i am thankful that he doesnt waste tears or pain. i tell you what. leaving today was one of the hardest things ive done in a very long time...im just so thankful for God and his love..<3i style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497621305507252242" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXUrHs7fAn8VTySUTzVDaj0A9DX99SvHA2jy-HEcgar7Ol14PicENtc6PIozvW_IGZ598Z8jegNraz_gHcwVsGf99fjla1Kh8ty2q89I6LoQvrhqKuL6nOzMoSa5NcTrHqgua-wX5N6XtN/s320/DSCN5442.JPG">

dd

I'm at war with the world
And they try to pull me into the dark
I struggle to find my faith
As I'm slipping from your arms

It's getting harder to stay awake
And my strength is fading fast
You breathe into me at last

I'm awake, I'm alive
Now I know what I believe inside
Now it's my time
I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life

(Here, right now)
Right here, right now
Stand my ground and never back down
I know what I believe inside
I'm awake, and I'm alive

I'm at war with the world
'Cause I ain't never gonna sell my soul
I've already made up my mind
No matter what, I can't be bought or sold

When my faith is getting weak
And I feel like giving in
You breathe into me again

I'm awake, I'm alive
Now I know what I believe inside
Now it's my time
I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life

(Here, right now)
Right here, right now
Stand my ground and never back down
I know what I believe inside
I'm awake, and I'm alive

Waking up, waking up
Waking up, waking up
Waking up, waking up
Waking up, waking up in the dark

I can feel you in my sleep
In your arms, I feel you breathe into me
Forever hold this heart that I will give to you
Forever I will live for you

I'm awake, I'm alive
Now I know what I believe inside
Now it's my time
I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life

(Here, right now)
Right here, right now
Stand my ground and never back down
I know what I believe inside
I'm awake, and I'm alive

Waking up, waking up
Waking up, waking up
Waking up, waking up
Waking up, waking up

ug

At the B.I with some really great friends..and i am so excited!!!
I get to see my friends and hang at the b.i w00 to the t000t

peace&love

Today::I am feeling so MUCH better it's so great!! I am enjoying it large amounts lol (if you couldn't imagine that) I am very excited to be able to see friends today..i get to see Stephanie, and i get to hang out with some others that i haven't seen in a while and i am very very EXCITED!!
I will go back on the island probably at like 10:30,11ish..and let me just tell you how excited about that i am o_0...anyways..haha the point is im pretty pumped..regardless of what happens today that i can see my friends!! the rest of this week is going to be well..i have physical therapy tomorrow and a drs appointment thursday..o_0 i tell you this week is going to be crazy but you know God is going to do what he is going to do :) and i know there is a reason for all of it..i took my hair out of my braids finally..oh my word o baby...is the correct term for what my hair looked like lol it looks much more alive currently..and well behaved but ;) shh you dont need to know that ;) ....Im off for now but we shall see what happens later :-p

Summer tHuS faR

OH MY WORD *Shakes head* can I please tell you how insane this summer has been...week for has been..well lets just say this week has thrown me for a loop...The last have rocked my world and God has been teaching me SO much..let me catch you up to speed a little bit

Week1-w-o-w week Hen House 1 getting me back in the mood for counseling...to show people God's love..and just.. the joy that you get from ...really learning people...even who were born in christian homes, and people who are supposed to know "everything" really need as much help as everyone... who wasn't born in a christian home ;)

Week2-stonewall..oh man...God just taught me...UGH just how to love..and how to be there for other counselors. God did so much in my patience that week and i am so thankful for that..I can honestly say that even though it was hard...

Week3-OH MY WORD....Culvene *sigh* ....let me tell you God worked the most in this week...( i know it has only been 4 weeks right now but....) OH...wow God wow..he totally blew up my thoughts of him. He showed me how selfish I am, how much i thought I knew how to love..and God shot that down and showed me how much i didnt know about his love or about him...*shakes head* He also showed me my fear of man and the fact that i have a control issue...::: BUT I DECIDED I AM GOING TO 2nd YEAR::::

Week 4-well..i cant say much of the campers except i know God will do something..sadly ive been sick most of the week so idk...I was in sick bay yesterday...and oh it was not such a good day in my thinking (although i do know God has a plan)...anyway ...im still in quarantine..well (kinda) Im at the Bennett's house right now relaxing and just enjoying family !!! I am excited to see what God has for me..and my friends...
im going to try to continue writing about my summer..hopefully it wont take me to week 8 to write about the rest ;)

blogger or stalker?

So! Tonight i will start this blog off with a question. Have you ever watched Julie&Julia? ...odd let me just tell you..i was very confused about this movie..as to wither this girl was a stalker or if she indeed was just a blogger..i think you should watch it and ask the question to yourself..!hmm... So let me just tell you i am sick..i've been sick...and i just really...*sigh* ..well i feel better now but i threw up and ugh i had to wait to get seen and blah de dah..let me just tell you..=} i am actually at a friend of mine's house..(MAN) let me just tell you...i love it and i am so thankful for being here...ok so we watched movies i chilled out and man it is so good to just sleep.... SO let me tell you ...this summer has been completely insane...I am so thankful that God has allowed me to be there..but i have been so challanged...i have to go back and talk to a lot of people about things going on in my life. I have realized i have such a fear of man..and i am a control freak..and i truly need to work on that *sigh* So much learning this summer..and im killing myself trying to figure out..how to work on this..but then God shows me exactly that I CANT DO IT and how exciting is that to know.....that man o man..God can do it all and i have nothing to do at all <3
lol..that is the end of my rambling

yes

Wow!! What an epic day..and yes i must say epic...we went swimming and then we ran from rain..and then after that went for dinner and then ice cream and then we went to the store and we bought some things and let me just tell you it was a lot of fun..i am so excited that it was such a good time :) We got to sing praise songs as we were eating ice cream and it was just so cool to be able to praise God like that..out in the opening enjoying Gods love...:)
Well day off is done so must go ;)
<3

What are you doing with ur summer

W-O-W summer has just started..and let me tell you ALREADY I have seen what God has been doing and the start of his work in me..and it's exciting/scary all at the same time! We had bible hour with John Boquet this week...and he really challenged us to get something to God. and i really chose my body..Um i feel like sometimes we use everything B-U-T the very bodies we have to serve God..because honestly thats the biggest battle..I had a really hard time yesterday but i took out my gauges yesterday night. I cried...and i was frustrated but i really do believe that God has me to do that and so I want to allow my whole body to serve him..and NO I DONT THINK GAUGES ARE WRONG..nor do i think that they are sinful..i love them...a (LOT) and am a bit broken hearted that they are out but...I promised God and he has shown me this..I do NOT want to miss a chance to speak about Gods love because I have huge holes in my ears..maybe people wont listen...or maybe you know it'll be a better ministry if i dont have them...i just...i dont know all i know right now is that i feel like its an important thing and i want to follow God..f you could pray for me this summer and all the island staff honestly..that we would do what God has us to do. that we dont follow what is easiest for us, or allow things to take hold of us that shouldnt...*nods* thats the summer so far....i go back a bit late for 2nd week but thats ok i'll have 7 weeks after this lol...<3